Why Nice Girls Fall For Bad Boys
As you focus on each other, a myriad of things occur inside your brain that affect your over all behavior and thoughts when you finally meet one another. Dopamine (a powerful adrenaline) which is controlled by the AC (anterior cingulate) in the brain causes us to react in some pretty interesting ways.
Let's pretend you are a beautiful woman who is accustomed to getting a lot of positive attention from men; so much so that at some point in your life you are totally "bored" each time you hear the same old compliment. Why does this occur? If the AC is not stimulated, dopamine won't be released and the brain won't get a "jolt."
But let's say a man walks up to you and insults your looks. You may be royally ticked off, but the brain will respond with a zap of dopamine. This may lead you to want to pursue this rude man; which may explain why otherwise nice girls fall for bad boys. So, when we don't get the response we expect and the AC fires, we can (perversely) become attracted to someone.
Somewhere out of our basic survival mechanism, we respond when someone does what we do not expect them to do. They do not do the very things we expect them to do. This may explain the whole reason some men are drawn to Drama Queens, get burned by them, swear off them and then go out and find another one. It becomes a hard wired pattern that the brain keeps insisting upon in order to feed that desire for dopamine. Is it like an addiction? Yes, Virginia.. is.
What happens, however, when the unexpected becomes the expected? As stated in the second paragraph, we get bored; which is one reason so many couples after a certain period of time with each other start seeking out other partners. They miss the "fix".
The answer, of course, is to moderate the relationship and be on the lookout for lulls so you and your partner can spice things up a bit. Too much routine is boring for anyone. An exercise that may be of help is to sit down alone or with your partner and write down 10 things that would bring excitement into the relationship and then pursue those things.
Another idea is to surprise your mate with something unexpected. Casey Kassum's wife Jean said that she kept a very sexy wardrobe in her closet so that her husband never knew who would be coming out next. Another idea is to "kidnap" your partner for an exciting night out. The bottom line is, to keep the dopamine and excitement flowing, think of something that will trip that dopamine trigger. Try the unexpected.
Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D. is The Uber Cougar Expert Roars! and the world's foremost expert on Cougar and Cub dating. With over 20 years formal research into younger men dating older women, Dr. Barkley is a human behavior researcher who ownscougarinternational CougarInternational a Cougar dating site with members from around the world. A former CBS news journalist/anchor and on camera relationship expert for 6 seasons on the top rated dating show Blind Date, Dr. Barkley is sought out by international media for her expertise on Cougar dating and advises men and women worldwide on dating, mating and marriage. She has appeared on ABC, CNN and in the London, Finland and other international and domestic papers. She is widely published and consults with the media, medical and legal industries.
She can be reached at: mailto:cougarsandcubs aolcougarsandcubs aol